Marriage is a Funny Thing


I’ve been married almost 16 years. Yes, to the same man – I know it’s hard to believe that someone could stand me day in and day out for that long, but he’s a trooper. Like any married couple, we’ve had high and lows and good days and bad days. We’ve fought, we’ve made up, we’ve loved our kids, we’ve wondered why we have kids, we’ve traveled, we’ve stayed home and been bored. You know…life.

One thing I’ve learned about marriage is this: It’s the easiest, hardest relationship in the whole wide world.

Really, it’s freaking hilarious when you think about it. Please tell me Ricky and I are not the only ones that do the following:

There will be two different ways to get somewhere and I’ll go one way and he’ll go the other.

Why do we do this? Are we racing? Are we trying to prove our way is better than the other way?

Yes. Yes, we are.

We can have a conversation and be talking about two totally different things and not even know it.

Him: I need to mow the yard.
Me: Yep and sometime we need to change the oil in the cars.
Him: I’ll do it today. It’s nice outside.
Me: We’re low on gas, so you might want to check that out first.
Him: Ok.

Later-
Me: Where are you going?
Him: To put gas in your car and get the oil changed.
Me: What? No, I don’t need gas. Got it yesterday.
Him: I thought you said to get gas in your car and the oil changed.
Me: I was talking about the lawn mower.

Welcome to marriage. The land of miscommunication.

We were finally free to live our lives and do the things we want to do!! And THEN…we chose to have kids.

This must be a God thing. We have free time! We have money! We can go and do whatever we want! Hey!! I know! Let’s have a little person that we have to restructure our entire life around and be at their beck and call! That’s a great idea!

 I mean, really. I love my kids, but no sane person would volunteer for this. Children are proof that we are all a little off center.

We laugh our butts off at the crazy stuff our kids do and then have to pull it together in order to discipline them.

Oh. My. Goodness. Our kids do some crazy stuff that they shouldn’t do and say some stuff that they shouldn’t say. It’s really wrong and really hilarious. We will excuse ourselves to “discuss the punishment”, but really we are just back there laughing in our closet and trying to pull it together long enough to get out the words of wisdom we are supposed to be spouting off to them.

Things that should be a big deal are not a big deal and little things are a huge deal.

Forget to pay the water bill? No biggie. Get in a car wreck? We’ll work it out. House explodes because you didn’t turn off the gas? At least you’re okay, sweetie. Don’t put your dishes in the dishwasher? Grounds for divorce.

Not. Even . Joking.

We play an unspoken game called “The Couch Waiting Game”.

We will be needing a drink or a snack, but won’t get up to get it and will wait until the other one gets up first. You do it, too. I just know it. You’ll be needing more chips or another drink, but no….he’s got to get up eventually, right? First one to go to the kitchen, loses.

We make fun of each other and try to piss each other off, because we’re in love.

So you spilled water again, Jen? Huh. Imagine that.
Has your butt grown again, babe? Kids, look! Daddy’s booty is even huger than normal.
Your nose hairs are out of control, dude.
I see you tried to cook rubber again. Oh, wait…this is chicken.

Now, if anyone else talked to us this way, we would instantly shut them down. When we do it to each other, it’s a love song. I don’t get it either, but I know it’s true. 

We are totally different, but completely the same.

I know that sounds weird, but it’s so true. I can be dramatic and umm…vocal. Ricky is even keeled and diplomatic. BUT we both talk to everyone. I am serious and business-minded, but also fun and a little crazy. Ricky is fun and hilarious, but can also be serious and analytical. We sometimes have different rhythms, but that makes life interesting.

I guess marriage is just basically finding the person that you can stand to see you at your worst and hoping that they will only remember you at your best. 

{Two important things to remember, though, sweetie:
1. My way is usually the best way.
2. Dishes. In. The. Dishwasher.
Love you.}

 

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