Hitting Pause

Hitting Pause


Life moves fast. Cars go fast. The kids grow fast, chew fast, and change their minds at warp speed.

We work out hard, clean hard, shop for things daily, and work our butts off to be good parents, mentors, friends, spouses, children, and siblings.

And then there are our actual jobs, which require a lot of time, energy, and attention.

I’m worn out just typing about it all.

I need someone to invent a pause button for life. I would do it, but I’m involved in too many other things. I’m not complaining – I’m really not. I like to be busy. I like to juggle ten thousand things at once. I’m weird like that.

But still…I would like to pause everything at least once a day.

I would like to pause the moment right before my alarm goes off in the morning and lay in bed until I am completely, fully rejuvenated to start the day.

I would like to pause the moment when my son snuggles up next to me with his arms around my neck and I would like to pause the moment when my daughter will let me hug her really tight.

I would like to pause the brief moment when no one has a phone beeping, iPads on, or anything else electronic stealing any of our attention and we are just fully engaged with each other.

I would like to pause the moment when I see my parents exchange a look of hilarity over something the kids have done or said.

I would like to pause any moment when my hubby and I are alone.

Anytime someone around me is laughing and smiling and their happiness is so bright I can feel it through my skin. I want to pause that moment.

Anytime someone laughs or smiles at anything I’ve said or done and I feel like I brightened their day for a brief instant. Yep. Pause.

And then there are other things I’d like to pause…like just before I tell someone exactly what I think about them. I really should be allowed to pause that moment – reflect, scream, yell, whatever – and then “un-pause” it as I’m walking away.

The whole week of PMS should be non-stop pause, skip, and fast forward week. Trust me.

Pause the small moments when I feel loved. Comforted. Safe. Tipsy, perhaps?

Pause the big moments when I land a contract, become someone’s friend, or get that look from hubby that he only gives me when he thinks I’m not looking. The one that says, “Yes, you’re crazy, but you’re a really good cook and have a nice butt, and I’m glad that you’re the mom of my kids.” Or maybe he’s thinking, “She remembered to get toilet paper! Yes!”

Either way, I love that look.

I would like to pause vacations before I have to get back to reality.

I’d pause the moment at the cash register before everything is rung up and quickly put away everything I don’t need and grab everything I forgot I needed.

Pause. Un-pause. Remember that moment. Start living for the next one. Repeat.

I guess I do that already to some degree – like a snapshot in my head. That feeling like “this moment is something you shouldn’t forget” and then it passes. The warm feeling slowly fades as the kids start arguing again. The phone starts ringing again. Or I open my mouth and ruin it all.

It happens. Shocking, right?

I’m sharing this idea of a life pause button with my firstborn and she smiles at me. 

“Mom,” my brilliant, loving daughter says, “you’d break that or lose it on the first day.”

And as she breaks into laughter, her long curly hair trailing down her back and her face lighting up with amusement, I think…pause.

 

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