I love my kids. I do. One day I’ll appreciate all their quirks and all the things they do that irritate me right now. I hope. Here are the top 6 things my kids do that drive me to the brink of insanity every day. So far, they’ve been pretty consistent – all six happen every day. Every. Single. Day.
According to my daughter, I’m wrong. It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, I’m just not right.
“The sky is so pretty and blue today.”
“No, it’s not.”
“This is the best apple ever!”
“Ugh…gross. I’m totally grossed out by this apple.”
I know this will serve her well later in life – she will question things and not believe everything she hears. Right now, it’s annoying as hell and makes the day seem like it has 4,327 hours.
So…if you’re talking to me and I snap at you, I’m sorry. I’ve been arguing about whether or not the episode of “The Regular Show” we’re watching is actually as funny as the joke her brother just made up about popcorn and elephants. Don’t ask.
I did not win the argument.
You’d think that arguing and fighting would be the same, right? You’d be wrong. Arguing is when you are verbally defending a point of view that is different than the point of view of another person. Fighting is when you are physically assaulting another person.
Like your brother. Or your sister.
Now, I don’t condone this at all, especially when it’s happening in my backseat and I can’t reach either one of them . BUT…if someone is messing with them or trying to do something to them that they shouldn’t do – I want them to fight back. Like to the death.
Do NOT mess with my kids. If they don’t beat the hell out of you, I will.
(*Disclaimer – I am not condoning bullying or saying they should beat up other kids. I am saying that they need to know the acceptable limits of bad behavior, and if an adult is trying to grab you, fight back. Back seats fights are NOT allowed and punching your brother in the face will get you in trouble. It’s the feistiness, the willingness to defend themselves that I don’t want them to lose, not the actual knocking your sister unconscious.)
3. Being OCD
Oh, My. Lawdy. Control freaks. Socks have to be turned a certain way, noodles cooked a certain way, clothes have to be a certain way….I’m losing my freaking mind.
One day, this will be a good trait, right? They’ll know what they like and won’t settle for less, right? Things will be clean and organized, right? They’ll actually find a spouse that can put up this right? Right?
Please say I’m right.
If I have to hear the same song, see the same outfit, or have the same conversation for the 20th time in a row again, I’m leaving. I’m not even joking.
Kat had this green shirt she wore ALL THE TIME. I tried to hide it. I tried to throw it away. She would find it – like it had a beacon in that thing –and put it on AGAIN. We recently found pictures of her wearing the shirt… pics from 2 YEARS AGO!!
One fine Thursday morning, I met my friendly garbage dude at the curb. I looked him in the eye, smiled, and said, “Please bury this down deep in your truck, and if a little girl runs after you crying, please don’t stop. Just keep going.”
We’ve had a conversation about whether or not they can have a cat every day for the last 10 years. Every. Single. Day.
Hayes will have a favorite song and play it so much that my brain will literally start burning in my skull trying to escape the torture being inflicted upon it.
In addition, the following questions are asked, once again, EVERY SINGLE DAY:
Do I have to brush my teeth?
Can I put these clothes back on after my shower?
Can we have donuts for breakfast?
Why can’t I wear the clothes I wore yesterday?
Can we skip school today?
I’m hoping this will translate into the quality of persistence as they grow older.
Do I even have to say a word about this? And just go ahead and combine this with whining.
I don’t know how to make this one into a redeeming quality.
If you have any idea, let me know.
6. Bodily Noises
Oh, the magic of bodily noises and the extreme wonder of vocal chords. They are the ultimate dynamic duo.
Farting, burping, or making these noises with your mouth or armpits and the backs of knees, are indeed my kids preferred means of self-expression.
For lack of a better term, it sucks.
I have threatened, punished, grounded, and yelled at them. It works – until daddy gets home and decides to crank it up again.
Oh, well. Their daddy turned out pretty good.
Maybe this is their best quality – the one that will get them that great job or make them a great parent or will get them into college. Stand up comedians, perhaps?
I hope and pray these traits will serve them well in their adult lives.
But if not….when I get old and gray and they are taking care of me…I’m totally going to argue with them about every single thing under the sun, fight them physically (who can punch out an old fragile lady?), be extremely OCD about the most annoying things (I want 3 ice cubes in my water!! Only THREE!), repeat myself constantly, and fart ALL the time in the most embarrassing places.
Paybacks are a bitch.
Sign up for my email list, won’t you? [mc4wpww_form]