There are a lot of things I want to write about. World peace. Planting a garden. Time travel. Being successful.
Unfortunately, I know nothing about any of those things.
I do know a lot about kids, laundry, dirty cars, that type of thing. So that’s what I’m writing about today. Now, don’t get your feelings hurt if I know more than you do about some of this stuff. It happens. I’m a professional at almost nothing, which is a title that took me years to acquire. Be patient, young people, and you will attain this level of knowledge one day as well.
The first thing I want to talk about today (doesn’t that sound professional?) are birthday parties.
PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS. I’m sorry to yell, but geez, people…stop. What happened to letting the kids play outside or having a simple slumber party? And who started the “give your guests party favors” thing? That’s ridiculous. Their present is that they were just at a party with their friends and ate sugar. Game over.
Another thing I would like to talk about is having dinner at my house or at anyone’s house that is your true friend. I may or may not dress up for you. The more I like you, the less dressy I will be. If you come to my house, and I am in pajamas, no make-up, and there is laundry on the couch, then I probably love you and consider you family. If you help me fold said laundry, you will be in my will.
If I come to your house and you are dressed up and your house is clean, I will forgive you – especially the first time. BUT, if it continues to happen, I’ll know our friendship will never be the real deal. I’m sorry, but that’s the way I feel.
The last thing I would like to complain about – I mean, discuss – is the lack of car dancing that I see at stoplights. It’s really annoying. If I pull up at a light and there’s a good song on, I will be dancing. It’s not very fun to dance alone and I’m starting to wonder why people are not doing this more. I mean, I know you do it in your car when “your” song comes on. Do you just stop when you’re at a light? Why? Maybe we need to coordinate dance moves to certain songs and then if we’re both at the same light, we can dance together.
Okay, that’s it. And world peace, y’all. That’d be nice.
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